The Terrifying Miracle of Life

Ever since I can remember, pregnancy has been something that falls into the ‘Slightly Terrifying Life Adventures’ category. My social media feeds are currently flooded with pregnancy announcements and some of my closest friends are among them. It seemed only fitting to have a little fun with my pregnancy fears/concerns.

Pooping on the table.

OH. MY. GOD. I would do anything if it meant avoiding this. I don’t care how many times the doctors and their staff have seen it. Nope. I will be mortified. I’ll already be mortified being spread all open like that in front of a bunch of people I don’t really know. Cut me open. I don’t care what you have to do. I don’t want to poop on the table.

Not a needle or hospital person.

I don’t want any part of anything that injects or draws stuff out of me. There are lots of needles and hospital visits involved with pregnancy.. for obvious reasons. I know they’re necessary but my anxiety is going to be way up the whole time.

I don’t want anything to rip.

But seriously. How awful and painful does that sound? Makes my skin crawl just thinking about it. Please don’t give me the whole “well they stitch it back up” crap.. I don’t care. Still makes me queasy.

Oh.. and not to mention, I recently found out that it can rip UP.

I’m not entirely sold on the fact that a human can fit out of there. I know it happens and people do it every day but it hurts my insides to think about it.

Giving up caffeine.

This is going to be a serious struggle. I live for caffeine. Usually I have at least a cup of coffee and some sort of pop with lunch/dinner. Other days, I need more. When you’re pregnant, you’re not supposed to over-do it. I’m the person that goes to McDonald’s just for a Coke sometimes and can chug a Mountain Dew before bed and still fall asleep. Limiting my caffeine intake will be hard and will take some serious getting used to.

Having my water break unexpectedly.

Ahhhhhhhh. Obviously this has to happen but I want to know when. I don’t want to be strolling through Walmart or some public place and have my water break. I also really wouldn’t want that just chillin on the floor or on some furniture at my house. You’re supposed to get some type of warning.. but, like anything, what if you don’t? Or what if you do but you can’t do anything to avoid being the Walmart lady?

Not being able to see my toes or be able to support my belly.

I have a feeling that I’m going to just blow up when I’m pregnant. Don’t know why, just do. This means.. “bye, bye toes, see ya in a few months” and “hello, extreme back pain, how are you doing”. I joke about getting a hover round once I would reach a certain circumference. but in reality, I think it’s a pretty good idea. I don’t want to fall over on my child and it would get me off of my feet when needed. Plus, it’d be fun. You’re supposed to keep pregnant people happy, right?

Post-Pardum Depression.

This is my most legitimate fear. Post-Pardum Depression is terrifying. I don’t ever want to have any hard feelings against my future child. You don’t get to just out-will that kind of stuff. I’m a busy person. I’m extremely hard on myself and children change everything. I’m going to have a hard time with adjusting to that. I know that one day, in the far, far future, I will be a good mom but the reality of PPD is scary and it’s something I definitely worry about. The change children bring is, ultimately, good but what if that takes my brain longer to come to terms with when the situation actually presents itself?

So there you have it. Eventually I’ll have to face these fears but for now, I’ll stick to supporting my friends through theirs.

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© 2016 by Kristin Karam.

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